Today I had a very important meeting with my doctor and for the first time ever I said it out loud….

I am an addict

I am addicted to self destructive behaviour and by this I mean….
For a very long time I have been in self destruct mode and never really wanted to admit it.

I am an alcoholic even though I no longer drink the way I use to I will forever struggle with that addiction.
For 14 years I was addicted to smoking (been smoke free for 6 wks)
I am a former drug user, I beat that demon thankfully.
I am a former cutter, another addiction that I struggle to control but have managed to keep it under wraps for many years now.
I am a bulimic who starves herself to such a point that when I eat I binge and over eat.
I am addicted to food and not the good types of food either.
I am addicted to chocolate and anything else fatty and sweet.

Over the years I’ve swapped out one addiction for another, over and over like a never ending roller coaster ride.
Back and forth from one addiction to another.
Not ever realizing that there really was a problem.

All of it is self destructive, right down to the people I chose to have around me and the men I dated.
For reasons I’ve still yet learned I use to draw these people to me, It was like something about me made them know they could hurt me and I would just blame myself.

I lived in that self loathing mode for so very long and I have just begun to come out of it now…32 years later…wow

There now I’ve said it I AM AN ADDICT! may I now move forward and become the person I always known I could be….