It’s almost 3am and I am trying to wind down from a nice night out with my friend, We went out for coffee and had some awesome adult conversation.
But now I am paying the price for having a life and having a nice time.
It’s like my fibromyalgia is jealous and does not ever want me to have fun or be out and about. And having a life or even a day with out pain is an absolute no no.
The pain is just so much right now I almost feel like crying but I hold it in, I don’t want to give in to it.
I feel like if I give in then it wins, I don’t like to lose…so I fight.
Some days are a lot easier then others, but it’s days like today that break me and it’s days like this people fail to see or when I do have these days I don’t let you see.
I probably will cry myself to sleep tonight, crying seems to drain my body of all it’s energy and it allows me to drift off and sleep better.
It’s pretty sad that I literally have to wear myself out and cry and cry just to get a better night sleep.
When the pain is like this is makes sleep nearly impossible.
I thought I would write again as it for a moment takes my mind of things, and gives me a place to vent instead of screaming out loud.
There are still so many people who think I am full of it and I wish that for just one day you could have a pain day like today so that you can then understand just what I go through on a daily basis.
I won’t sit and bitch and complain though because despite being in this pain I have so much in my life that’s so much more worth while then Fibro.
I got off all my meds for my baby to keep it safe and if this is the pain I must go through to keep it safe then so be it.
Because this April when you join me it will all be worth it.
And yes I may cry and yes I might scream and be a bitch but at the end of the day it’s all going to be ok and I’ve got so much more to look forward too.
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