It’s been awhile since I posted, but I’ve actually come a very long way in my weight loss journey and it’s rather been in a short period of time.
I am now 8 months post bariatric surgery and I’ve gone from 272 pounds to 151 pounds.
It’s been an up and down roller coaster ride of joy and sadness but at the end of the day I feel every bit that this decision was the best decision I could have ever made for myself.
I am literally almost half the person I was when I started and there are days when I just can not believe how far I’ve actually come.
One of the main reasons I’m finding it all hard to wrap my head around it is due to the access skin I now carry in my belly.
I KNEW it would happen but I didn’t realize how much it would effect me emotionally.
When I glance to the mirror I still see that “Fat” girl I once was, I still see a sagging belly that looks bloated and prevents me from looking nice in pants.
My thighs and arms have begun to show the signs of skin as well and with every look I take at it I become sad.
I can not financially afford to have this corrected and have to qualify through our health care system in order to have the lower access skin of my belly removed.
I cross my fingers daily in the hopes that once I am where I want to be I will qualify and that I can in fact remove that portion.
I feel as though that darn skin is holding me back.
I don’t want to go out or be with people because I fear THEY will see it too and it will set me back to those feelings of when I was overweight.
It scares me, I don’t want to be made to feel bad about what I’ve done. I did it to save myself, to better myself and to become the women I always knew I was both on the inside and out.
So I felt like it was time……Time to Share the Scare away!
I am going to do something today that I have NEVER done in my whole life and YES it’s freaking me out just thinking of posting these.
I am going to show the world my belly! Maybe then others may understand my feelings. Maybe then those who’ve gone through this will know they are not alone.
Some may call me brave, I think I am crazy…lol
Yep there it is, I am still thinking of deleting this…lol As I sit and look at it I have these strong feelings of sadness.
My body was and is my temple and I hurt it, I took advantage of it. I lost control and THIS is now what has happened to me.
It’s hard for me to see what others do when I have to look at this daily and I hope many understand it’s not that I don’t KNOW I’ve lost weight and am doing well and that it’s amazing to go from 272 to 151. I DO know this and I am proud of each and every pound that I’ve gotten rid of.
But I think if in my shoes you looked to this daily you too would have a hard time seeing the success.
I’ve never shared something so personal as my body with the world but I thought to myself that if I could post it and see it then I could move past it. Grow from it and continue in my success til the day comes when maybe it can be removed.
Thank you to all those who share in my joys and sadness through out this journey. It gives me great comfort to know I have such loving and amazing people that stand beside me.
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